Aspiring author and random thinker

Tag Archives: Funny

On Excuses: The Best Excuse

I thought about the best excuse to being late while driving home and had to share it.

Show in while breathing deeply as if you were running, bow down to catch your breath and say “sorry for being late, I was being chased all the way from my car, which I didn’t get a chance to use to get here, by an albino mammoth, I though they were extinct but apparently they are experts at hiding, can you believe that?)

Can’t wait to get a chance to use it and see how people will react, psychologically they should initially respond the same way as to any excuse, but after thinking about it, there is no way to predict their reactions.


On Nothing: Another Random Online Conversation

So I was having yet another online conversation on facebook, before I you start reading this conversation there are two things you should know, first is that I just recently made a facebook account, and ever since I made my facebook I’ve been getting a butt-load of notifications.

A particular friend has OCC disorder (Obsessive Compulsive Commenting), he is addicted to commenting on sexy girls’ photos, even if he doesn’t know them, he can’t just like a pic, he has to write some incredibly lame comment with quite a few unnecessarily repeated letters.

This particular conversation went as follows:

Me: You horny slut, do you really have to comment on every single girl picture?

Recipient: Shit, do these comment appear on your screen ( I had no idea how he had no idea about this, considering he’s been using FB for over 4 years now), what is this shit privacy NOTE: this one only one Russian brunette

Me: What about ‘Name’ (I have no idea who she was, but I had her name pop up on my notification scree for no good reason, and she was blonde)

Recipient: WTF! why is it showing, I don’t appreciate FB showing my comments, anyway to hide this?

Me: You do realize that I’ve been using FB for about a month now, how the hell am I to know that?

Recipient: Cause you should know that kinda stuff

Me: And are you mentally handicapped to be exempted from such duty?

Recipient: I didn’t say that

Me: Do you even read what you type, or think about it?

Recipient: …. That’s not the point

Me: Anyway, I bet if you had the chance to comment on pictures of girls you don’t know you would do it

Recipient: I can’t comment on people that I don’t know because of the stupid privacy setting, and sure, if I can I would

Me: I swear you’re on a permanent high, I don’t think I can talk to you right now

And the conversation ended on that nice note, I don’t remember having any serious conversation with this guy, and I’ve known him for seven years now.

List 10 things you know to be absolutely certain.

I just finished posting something and read this title as one of the ‘suggested’ things to write about, thought giving it a shot.

This is a short list about 10 things I know to be absolutely certain, I don’t even dare to question them, and hope everyone is wise enough to do the same.

  1. Chuck Norris is absolute
  2. Death is a practical joke by a higher power, it isn’t really necessary
  3. You can speak once borne, they just use the earlier version on the MIB neuralizer (or whatever it’s called) with side effects that last for a a few years
  4. Infinity is just another word for ‘eleven’
  5. The correct order of the alphabets is wrong
  6. We all speak one language, the language of music
  7. Pregnancies naturally last for 9 weeks, babies just try to hang in there for as long as possible in an attempt to avoid responsibilities
  8. The number 10 is actually the 8th number counting from 1 upwards

So these are the 10 things I know to be ‘Chuck Norrisly’ certain, everything else I doubt.

On Nothing: A Random Text Conversation

I was bored at work and decided to send text messages to one of my friends, this is how it went.

(Sent a missed call)

Recipient: I’m in a meeting, what’s up?

Me: Immigration and ‘uif needhbd bdhkhmi’ (I thought it would be funny to send a text while pressing the letter button one less time on those old phones ‘ABC on 1 and so on’, this translates to be ‘the office ceiling’ )

Recipient: ?

Me: I’m in love

Recipient: With?

Me: An Idea

Recipient: Which is?

Me: I can’t type cause its so funny, I’m actually just sending you saved templates

Recipient: Send it as a voice message

Me: Don’t have them saved, takes too much memory (My phone is one of those primitive ones that only has the ‘phone options’ and doesn’t try to be your friend of pet or account manager)

Recipient: You’re fucked in the head

Me: That’s what she said

Recipient: That doesn’t even make any sense

Me: Tq ecd enrmv ocd rdmrd (you’r face doesn’t make any sense)

And that was the end of the conversation, I like feeling like a 3 year old child whenever possible, you regress to better days.

PS: All this took place when ‘Recipient’ was in an important work-related meeting, hope he didn’t burst with laughter during our entertaining exchange of messages.


On Nothing: A Random Online Conversation

Was checking my facebook messages and came across a conversation I had earlier this week with a friend.

Me: I tried to do the 5 exercises on a 5×5 schedule and found it to be incredibly difficult if you max out your weights, I’m going to split rows and deadlifts to be done separately and add some calisthenics to the mix. 11:59

Me: Lets give it a quick 5v5 game? 12:01

Joe: I’m in one, once I’m finished 12:01

Me: I was joking u oversized manatee, I’m at work 12:02

Joe: then get to work 12:02

Me: I’m done for the week, btw I bought a new character, I forgot to mention it before. 12:04

Me:  Joe Joe Joe 12:04

Joe: Darek 12:04

Me: Joe 12:04

Joe: What?  12:05

Me: Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe 12:15

Joe: stop bothering me 12:16

Me: Joe Joe Joe 12:19

Joe: find something to do 12:20

Me: Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe, i just did, Joe Joe 12:21

Me: Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe Joe 12:21

Me: I want to tell u something u actually might find this interesting. 12:21

Joe: SHUT UP!!! 12:21

Me: kk, I won’t tell you, FLIPPAGE! 12:22

Joe: what tell me my god you’re like a virus! 12:23

And I never messaged him back, its been three days now and I think he is still wondering about what I wanted to say, of-course I have nothing to say, was just passing time at work.

On Cats: What The Hell Are They Thinking

Like most of you, I am a cats fan, not only domesticated house cats, but also the big dangerous ones that make you feel so insignificant by just “looking at your direction”.

I remember the first time I saw a real life lion, it never seemed to look at me, it was always looking past me, as if I didn’t exist or was to insignificant to notice.

Cats, generally, tend to do that unless they want something from you, then all of a sudden they are all sweet and fluffy.

Sometimes I wounder who is whose pet, are cats our pets or are we theirs.

The cat that lives with me, I cannot consider them pets for obvious reasons, gets me to do stuff for him all the time, its like he trained me to follow its commands.

Almost every other day he wakes me up to open the door, or just cause he feels like playing and wants someone to play with, mostly just someone to scratch and bite.

I always wanted to get into a cats head for one day and know what the hell is going on in there, here is what I think comes into their minds often:

  • Look how dumb this person is
  • Wuss!
  • I’m not impressed
  • I’m still not impressed
  • Lets see how much scratching they can take before they run away
  • I’m too lazy to show you whose the boss
  • You’re not worth my attention
  • Not in your lifetime sunny, not in your lifetime
  • I think its naptime
  • You’re not the boss of me, its the other way around idiot!

It is not entirely far-fetched to assume that cats have big and old plans of word domination and are still diligently working on it.